Read Write Poem Prompt #104 was called How to Write the Sex Poem Right. That’s right. The Sex Poem. Two of my favorite sex poems are Pattiann Rogers’ The Hummingbird: A Seduction and Billy Collins’ Taking Off Emily Dickinson’s Clothes. I modeled my poem, perhaps too literally, on Pattiann Rogers’ poem. I don’t like the last line, but it is stuck in my head like a drumbeat.
Southwest
with appreciation and apologies to Pattiann Rogers
If I were a solitary alcove
in a parched sandstone cliff,
my angles worn away by age,
empty and hollowed like a drum,
empty and hollowed like a drum,
my history open and faded
to pale rose and gold, tinged
with purple like an old map,
and if you were a cloud on my horizon,
a white spot in the brilliant blue sky,
gray shadows on your jowls,
*
And if I watched you pull away
from the thundering mass and sail
my way, billowing and expansive
with every scrap of moisture
you could pull into your sudden desire,
*
And if I saw the way you held true
to your intention, did not release
your rain too soon or too high,
but drove straight across the plain,
bristling and alive with electricity,
*
Then when you came to me, I would
call you my own sky, my turquoise stone,
my storm; I would touch the million prisms
caught in your nimbus, and I would
taste the sparks in each furrow; I would
give thanks for the whirling center of you,
and I would take you into any kind
of drum and dance you desired.
of drum and dance you desired.
Thankyou for introducing me to two new poems .I can see how your poem resembles Pattiann Rogers but (I’m probably committing heresy here) I prefer your poem. Hers is too florid for my taste .Yours has a clarity and a simplicity that I like.
Like Rall, I looked at the hummingbird poem. Guess you could call yours an homage. I think yours is the more original conceit (after all she just expanded birds and bees). I like your love talk: my own sky, my turquoise stone, my storm. It rolls sweet.
[WP formatting makes me a little crazy, too. Try pasting into the HTML editor instead of the visual. That sometimes works for me]
This was amazing! (You must have been to Sedona!)
There was so much imagination used here, and each line had it’s own beauty…I really loved it!
Awesome post!
nature copulates
I admire the effective figurative aspects of this poem. This poem turns two bodies into sensuous geography (similar to Sharon Olds’ poem). The syntax’s conditional “if” phrases serve to entice the reader, to tease, to delay the final “then” — similar to the seduction in physical love. The “drum and dance” is physical in three ways: the bodies, the storm hitting land, the ancient, original rites of poetry. Great poem, Tamra. (When I have to mark stanza breaks with an asterix, I then colorize the asterix with “white” from the palette on my Wordpress toolbox. Then the asterix goes invisible on the screen display.)
Hi Tamra,
The ladies have said it – very enjoyable indeed.
On some days I feel exactly like that first stanza. Thank you for breathing life into my feelings.
I think you’ve done a great job making a metaphor out of a raw, expansive scene from nature, and not only making the images work with the idea of sex, but their motion and interaction (e.g. “held true to your intention, did not release
your rain too soon or too high,
but drove straight. “
so simple and so nice….and the ladies here all said it for me..thanks for sharing this
I love your poem! I love the connection to the sky, to nature and to ancient stories told in drum dances. This is beautifully crafted with a free moving spirit and I thank you for sharing, Tamra.
I love the images from nature such as;
“Then when you came to me, I would
call you my own sky, my turquoise stone,
my storm; …and this : “I would
give thanks for the whirling center of you,
and I would take you into any kind
of drum and dance you desired.”
Very passionate and sensual, but spiritual, just like being in the Southwest. (I spent years living in Santa Fe)
Oh Tamra, thank you for sharing this! There is a thirst quenched by this poem here, by the rolling phrases, images, feelings – and all well expressed. From the soft, gentle of age beginning expressed, yet contains the seed to see, to yet embrace desire, as then becomes reflected from the sky. And sweet surrender indeed!
My comments are a little scattered here, but this poem is not. It is crystal bright!
“my angles worn away by age,
empty and hollowed like a drum,
my history open and faded…”
Just lovely. Kind to age? Would that be fair to say? I think I appreciate that very much, from my own point of view!
“with every scrap of moisture
you could pull into your sudden desire,…”
What a creative way to express this transition and desire.
Great images that are both obvious to understand, yet stand just that one step away from common thought! Just what is poetic about poetry that pleases me.
“I would call you my own sky, my turquoise stone…” I adore this line too. The act of expression that releases and embraces, both. Beautiful.
And I’d never hesitate to imitate (or embrace) another poets style of structure of sorts (flattery like they say), and honestly I think it is a part of how we learn. No apology! Your poem does only good service here. I like it very much!