This is my response to two Read Write Poem prompts, #117 and #118. I began with Zachary Schomberg’s Create A Hinge prompt, but couldn’t get the poem finished. This week’s Wordle prompt helped me to edit the poem. I’m still not happy with the ending, but it’s all I’ve got.
Pie
888
Summers we drank iced tea while the pies cooled,
and winters we sipped sweet milky coffee
from turquoise cups at the modern table,
round, black and white. A fern in the corner,
a starburst clock and an overhead lamp
that rose and fell on an elastic cord.
888
We played rum, and you told family tales
full of caution and fumbled metaphors.
Of the cooling pies, there were always two,
always one with meringue, and the meringue,
whipped into shape by the cook, never fell,
although it sometimes wept. While the pies cooled,
888
I grew up and went away to college
where, one day in the bookstore among piles
of books in dark solid hues and supplies
spilling like nonpareils over counters,
I stole a twenty-five cent pencil, bright
and unblemished, as pointed as your wit.
888
But theft, it turned out, was a furtive thrill
that failed to restore our afternoons, our pie.
I especially like the first two stanzas. Well written.
I love how you tell this tale of sharing seasons, drinks
waiting pies, and then confession of longing!
Beautiful banner as well, are you a southern sister?
Ah, those strange adjustable lamps. Always expected them to do something cartoon-y.
A pencil seems an odd sort of thing to steal. I imagine there is more to that story.
The collection of details really brings this to wistful life. I love especially the weeping meringue.
This was a fascinating read, thank you…
…rob
Image & Verse
Very nice combination of the two prompts. Nice work!
Pamela
I absolutely love the use of “AND” in this poem. They shine out like a lamp posts guiding the way through. I think it may be why you don’t like the end. There’s no strong conjunction to tie all the “ANDS” in (or to deconstruct them). The commas are a poor substitute.
I could just feel the furnishings in that room! Great evocation of long ago memory, and your foundation here. Impressive!
I think your second section, the tail of the hinge, is very close maybe to what you want, “bright and unblemished, as pointed as your wit”, does suggest that change nicely too. I can clearly feel the shift. Good work.
“While the pies cooled, I grew up….” — wonderful line. I also like all the details of the room and the weeping meringue.
I really like this combo poem! Nice use of color and narrative.
Loved the opening!
now open, now close
Hi Tamra,
Lovely details in this. Those home furnishings are all back in! Nice hinge, while the pies cooled.
A wonderful piece, poignant with memory. The final two lines circle perfectly.
I like this very much…!